I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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