My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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