the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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