hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
