If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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