i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
