do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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