I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
