NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
