Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
