so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
