OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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