I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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