The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
