When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
