your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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