dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
