Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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