Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
