hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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