dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize