dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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