I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
