I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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