maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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