I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
