come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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