And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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