If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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