i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex