life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
