i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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