you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
