i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
