it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
