I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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