i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
