I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
