We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Randomize
