i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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