how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
