I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
