A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
