I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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