The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am naked and annoyed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
