hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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