Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
