i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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