i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FUCK WHALES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
