my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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