another moral hangover. fuck.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
