I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
