Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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