I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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