ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
