four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
