Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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