It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
