i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
