i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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